Bleeding hearts and their sensitivities...

One of my new "friends" (I use the term loosely) at law school is one of those people that is closed-minded under the pretense that they're "open-minded." I'm only friends with her out of necessity, but as soon as I'm able to solidify friendships with other people, then she'll drop down to acquaintance. Call me a user if you want, but I always pay back in kind because I like to remain on the level with people, even if I'm not particularly fond of them. Anyways, this female is so damn sensitive to everything, yet she thinks that she is free to be as abrasive as she wants to be because she's being abrasive on the behalf of others. She talked about how she gets offended on behalf of others when they are stereotyped, because being handicapped and Italian-American, she has to battle stereotypes all the time, and Western/Northern Europeans and their American relations will never understand (essentially saying that I will never understand), because they aren't stereotyped. Pure bull. I've had to deal with so much Nazi crap where I've lived, it's not funny. There are other stereotypes out there that people readily believe as far as my ethnic background is concerned that I am familiar with the struggle. Maybe I don't have anyone asking me if I belong to the Mafia, but I'd rather be asked that than if I'm ashamed of what my distant relatives did to the Jews (because all non-Jewish Germans were Nazis and Hitler, an Austrian, was just an innocent bystander).

Another annoying-as-fuck thing that she does, and many like her often do, is that she expects for people to immediately change their behavior and censor themselves when they are around her. For instance, I was discussing statutory rape with a guy and we were at the same table as her. I happened to get a little graphic (how can one discuss statutory rape without mentioning sex in a literal and not abstract sense?), and she was immediately offended that I would be using such inappropriate language in front of her. She's in her 30s (early 30s, but still), and she still can't handle discussing sex like a mature adult? It's not as if I was discussing my favorite position and why it was my favorite position. The conversation was perfectly sterile.

Sometimes, I wish that I could get away with being half as honest in real life as I am here in cyberspace. Constantly having to bite my tongue and censor every sentence that comes out of my mouth gets tiring after a while, but it's a sign of civility and maturity if one is able and willing to do so. By keeping this blog, I can maintain the facade of being civilized, unlike many of my peers here. If only they all knew what I really thought... The worst part about the Midwest is that I can't be myself even more so than in LA, the capital of the daily masquerade of perfection. But that's another post for another time. It's late here and, as always, I need to be up early in the morning.

Thank God for wifi and espresso...

The "coffee" available on campus is to real coffee what Bud Light is to lager (which is the light beer, ale is the dark beer [there's several differences between the two, but the most obvious two are color and taste]...anyone over 21 and under 30 ought to know the difference between the two and if you don't, you need to either get out more or start embracing the fact that you're a part of the Temperance movement [even if you were unaware of it until just now]). I've had green tea with more caffiene. However, when push comes to shove, you do what you must, which is why I am nursing a latte that was made well within the confines of this establishment.

A scarily true fact about law school is that any hope of getting a decent amount of sleep when you start out is an impossible dream. Napping, a frequent past time in undergrad, is what has replaced actual sleep in the evenings in my life, especially with a roommate who likes to "party hardy" (she's currently getting her masters in another program on campus and favorite pastimes consist of watching enormous amounts of tv late at night and early in the morning [especially music videos on CMT] and getting tanked at frat parties [because it's cheaper than getting tanked at a bar, her words, not mine], she has a manifest destiny attitude towards the room we share which I need to address, tout de suite), meaning that I only sleep in my bed when I am so exhausted to the point where nothing short of an atomic bomb would wake me up (so her wandering in at 3 am wasted doesn't have any effect on me). This means that I constantly find myself struggling to stay awake in class.

Wifi has enabled me to keep my brain active enough so that I'm able to not fall asleep in class. If it weren't for the mental and visual stimulation of things like the NY Times website or the Luxist blog (I've already mentally spent any future paychecks a hundred times over thanks to that blog), then I don't know how I'd be able to keep my brain alert in those early morning classes (one is at 8:30 am...delightful, non?). It's evolved into an art of multitasking for me. I can still follow along to what's being said by my professor while checking out Bebe's newest take on the Gothic Lolita. I have no problem being able to participate either. Ergo, I am flummoxed when professors are chagrined at the idea of people multitasking during class on their laptops. The temptation of the internet is only deadly when I'm attempting to do homework. I think that a scientific study should be done on it before professors become too cranky and adamant on the issue. The exception of one should not be used to create the rule for all. In other words, to quote "Bring It On," "Don't punish the squad for Big Red's mistake." If I wasn't surfing the internet during class, I'd probably be working on items for other classes, which is what I was doing in my Torts class yesterday (the only class that bans all laptops, ironic because the professor highly recommends that the exam be done on a laptop and he utilizes TWEN a great deal [the law school version of Blackboard]). Since I couldn't just whip out my laptop to check my email, I had a book in my lap for another class and read my assignment for that class while still taking notes for Torts and participating in the discussions that sprouted up among my classmates. Maybe I'm just weird, or maybe I really ought to just focus one one thing at a time and this multitasking will come to bite me in the ass. Time will tell. Speaking of time, I have to go and learn grammar rules soon (technically, I don't have to, but I will...better to be over-trained and over-educated than to not know what the hell you're doing).

The downside to being me...

When it comes to releasing negative emotions, especially when one's nerves are frayed, making it difficult to continue to bottle up those emotions, everyone has a basic way of release. Some people punch walls or throw objects, others let loose a stream of colorful phrases. I cry. I've been surviving on little sleep, dealing with a roommate who is self-absorbed (thanks for taking up half the free space between our beds with your new tv that I'm not allowed to touch without even asking if I was okay with that), and feeling like I don't belong. My RWA professor (reading, writing, and advocacy, not the three "r"s) insisted on critiquing each of our first papers in front of us individually. There's a reason why I've never auditioned for American Idol. Quite frankly, having to go in front of Simon Cowell and hear him try to use as many adjectives as possible to describe the terror that is my nonexistent singing voice does not sound like a fun time. Within the first few minutes of hearing my RWA professor critique my writing, I already wanted to punch him for sounding like such a pompous ass who enjoys ripping others limb from limb. I couldn't (because it's illegal and since it would be taking place within a law college, I'd probably be on Death Row in a matter of seconds), nor could I swear profusely at him and really give him a piece of my mind (did this once to another professor, and it felt absurdly satisfying). So, I did the only thing I could do and cried. Blamed it on exhaustion and missing my family since today is my brother's birthday, which he bought, hook, line, and sinker (what is it with even the nerdiest and most effeminate of straight guys getting a kick out of feeling like the stronger sex?). The fact that he was so gullible just made him seem like even more of an idiot in my eyes. I would be hard-pressed to not think poorly of him no matter what he does in the future. Not nice, I know, but it's the truth, and that is why I have this blog. So that I can be completely honest. It's frustrating always having to tiptoe around a lot of things and phrase things just so in order to avoid the chagrin of others. If I never had an outlet, I'd eventually snap. It's an unfortunate stipulation of functioning in polite society to never act abrasively. That's enough ranting for now, so, as that weird French guy on that one episode of The Hills said once, "Bye bye."

Legally not blonde...

Amazingly enough, I survived my first week of substantial classes at law school (substantial means basically any class about the law [procedure is included in this group], so torts, contracts, criminal, etc.). For the first time in my life, I actually bought into the "you're worthless and will fail" bit a little. It's the same typical scare tactic, but since, other than CivPro, this is a beast that I've never really encountered before (because I wasn't a prelaw major in undergrad). I'm keeping my head above water, but, as the saying goes, I haven't made the subject matter my bitch, yet. Don't get me wrong, I have always loved and will always love the whole "hit the ground running" way of teaching, but I have never felt so at a disadvantage before. Here's to hoping that everything gets easier as I transition back into being a student and get more of a hang of what's really going on. I've been carving out little niches of free time here and there that doesn't match the normal "cram until all the work is done and then have a huge chunk of free time" study plan that most have, so my social life has been a bit shot thus far, but I've gotta do what's right for me to keep myself sane.

As to my location, I'm in FOC at a rather large state university, which means that there are plenty of dive bars and coffee shops to go to when I want to escape my place (which is a godsend), in addition to the requisite Urban Outfitters. Unfortunately, this also means no serious urban element and right now I'm missing the hustle and bustle of city life. Catching up on NYC Prep, a guilty pleasure, hasn't helped any. Counting down the days until winter break and going home to an urban element (unless I can convince other out-of-state students to get together with me and do a road trip to a major city, like Chicago, which is the closest large city).

Here's a new brand of genius...

...courtesy of Ron Dellums and the Oakland City Council. They are refusing to allow a potentially new pilot for HBO to be shot in Oakland (the script is based in Oakland). "Not as high on 'Gentlemen [of Leisure]' is Mayor Ron Dellums and a few city council members, who said several months ago that they don't want to show filmed in Oakland because of its edgy subject matter." (http://www.insidebayarea.com/search/ci_12966405) They don't want Oakland known as a dangerous, unsavory place? Uh, sorry, but when the only news of Oakland to make national headlines in the past several months or so are about people getting shot and killed (the 4 cops and the Bart station incident), people in the middle of Iowa aren't going to look at Oakland as a wonderful place to raise their kids or even a place to visit. If the city council still refuses, then all that HBO will do is film in Boyle Heights and South Central LA and pass that off as Oakland (the lack of historic architecture makes those neighborhoods [or at least what I've seen of them] much more unattractive than even the most decrepit parts of Oakland [where old, yet rundown, Victorians are still plentiful]). Besides, think of what this (the fees, tax revenues, etc.) could do for Oakland's coffers, which are so empty that the parking meter fees have just increased 75 cents per hour and operate 1.5 hours earlier in some places and 2 hours later everywhere than before (http://www.insidebayarea.com/oaklandtribune/localnews/ci_12717359). But will the light bulb go on in the city council's collective head? Don't count on it...instead we'll just see an increase of taxes and LA being passed off as yet another city that it couldn't be more different from.

Feeling a little undead?

The worst feeling in the world, aside from having your heart shattered into a googleplex of pieces, metaphorically speaking, is the feeling one gets when medicine, particularly cold medicine, is leaving the system. I hate this fuzzy, cottonmouth, out-of-body, semiconscious feeling (I try to use as many apt adjectives as possible, but no combination gives it full justice) that has been constantly a part of my waking moments for the past week. It's as if I am missing out on living to the full extent that I can, that I am normally able to on a regular basis. Yet, people chase this feeling, filling their systems with foreign elements that ultimately only do harm to one's system. One question lingers in the hollows of my drug-addled mind: Why?

The things we do for money...

I did a hair show over the weekend, second that I've done (other one was 2 years ago), because the money's good ($300 a pop).  The catch is that you have to be willing to change your hair dramatically, which is what happened to me.  Now I have a Victoria Beckham cut with Paramore color scheme (reds with a streak of orange).  According to my mom, it makes me look smaller than ever.  If it wasn't for the dramatic color, I probably wouldn't like the cut (people would most likely assume that I was trying to copy the mom version of Heidi, Kate Gosselin...swear her husband and she are the parental version of Speidi, so f*ing annoying and it's no surprise that they're divorcing, or faking a divorce, for ratings).  Job-hunting bites and despite having done a few interviews in the past month, I still don't have a job.  I've been earning my money by doing extra work, which isn't very steady, but it's something.  Sometimes it gets so depressing spending so much time applying and getting nowhere.  At least I have things to look forward to.

Somebody needs a personal shopper...

Michelle Obama's Underwhelming Attempt At Playing First Lady

Despite the fact that many Americans pride themselves on being fantastic shoppers (we do, after all, have the Mall of America and the Home Shopping Network and build a gift shop anywhere there might be a chance that a tourist may spend a few dollars on a postcard) and expert gift-givers (think of how many holidays in the US have become associated with giving and receiving gifts), Michelle Obama managed to fail at a time-honored act of exchanging gifts as a sign of goodwill and an act of diplomacy.  I can just imagine her pulling a Homer Simpson in that Christmas episode tied with the music of the Nutcracker, in which her family is handed gifts from the Browns and she excuses herself to the hall, saying that she left the gifts in the family dining room, only to quickly call an aide on her cell from the bathroom, asking for any possible gifts to be rustled up in ten minutes in order to save face in front of the PM and his family.  Any soccer mom worth her sweater set would know that gifts quickly grabbed on the way to the birthday party and without much thought put into the purchasing of said gifts immediately means that the gifts will be seen as an insult to the child and to the parent of said child and interpreted that they are not valued as friends.  Thus, in one foul swoop, Michelle ha not only put her children's social standings at risk (what kid would want to invite a notoriously bad gift-giver to his/her birthday party and who would want to be friends with someone who wasn't invited to any parties?), but also put her husband's social standing as a political leader at risk (clearly they don't think that the US values the friendship of their closest ally, GB).  Way to go, Mrs. Obama.

So absolutely tragic...

This breaks my heart:

http://www.pixcetera.com/pixcetera/ohio-town-face-economic-collapse/47316

Americans are proud of their Puritan work ethic and proud of the simple people that are the backbone of the heartland and the keepers of the aforementioned work ethic.  Yet, they are the ones who are suffering the most now, it seems, and partly because a small group of people who are not part of this community thought that this country was above what these people put their blood, sweat, and tears into.  And now we're fucked, truly fucked.  Pray to God that we don't end up with a dustbowl and an economy in need of another world war to get back on its feet.

Always check the i.d....

The other night the Papa Roach/Buckcherry tour came to town and one of opening the bands got more than they bargained for.  A couple of girls got to go backstage for a quickie, but after being forced to leave unsatisfied, they decided to call the cops and the boys in the band got arrested for statutory rape.  Two lessons can be gleaned from this.  1) If you go backstage, don't expect for a rock star to instantly be your boyfriend.  2) If you're going to bang a chick you hardly know, make sure she's over the legal age limit of consent and that she's not expecting more than what you're willing to give her.  Just another reason why people shouldn't do drugs.

Broken a mirror lately?

So, my normally charmed life has hit a streak of bad luck.  Times are tough for everyone, even the KKK (if your brain lacks the properly-firing synapses to understand that bit of dry humor, you need to lay off the "recreational" drugs).  However, things aren't so bad for some as they are for me.  Why do I say that?  Because I have resorted to offering to figuratively whore myself out to reality tv in exchange for room and board.  Even sadder, I'm not sure that reality tv wants me (they don't like people who others instantly gravitate towards as the hero, the one that they keep rooting for through all the challenges...takes away from the drama and means that they have to rig the eliminations to make sure that said person wins or their ratings hemorrhage severely).  In times like these, I find myself thinking more spiritually, probably because I hate to think that I have to dig myself out of this mess instead of having a fairy godmother swoop in and tidy everything up for me.  Yet the pastor at the place I drag my body to church to most Sundays (I'm a fan of sacred rituals such as communion) gave a sermon today about how just because we've gotten poorer doesn't mean that we should give less financial support to the church.  In fact, we should be giving more.  Yes, that sounds like a brilliant plan.  Let little Timmy suffer from malnourishment because we can't afford to feed him properly while we give ever increasing percentages of our dwindling incomes and savings accounts to the church.  Sale of indulgences much?  The pastor's not a bad guy, but, really, it was one of the most anti-Christian sermons this side of the Counter-Reformation.  Sometimes I feel as if I am too learned for my own good.