Bleeding hearts and their sensitivities...

One of my new "friends" (I use the term loosely) at law school is one of those people that is closed-minded under the pretense that they're "open-minded." I'm only friends with her out of necessity, but as soon as I'm able to solidify friendships with other people, then she'll drop down to acquaintance. Call me a user if you want, but I always pay back in kind because I like to remain on the level with people, even if I'm not particularly fond of them. Anyways, this female is so damn sensitive to everything, yet she thinks that she is free to be as abrasive as she wants to be because she's being abrasive on the behalf of others. She talked about how she gets offended on behalf of others when they are stereotyped, because being handicapped and Italian-American, she has to battle stereotypes all the time, and Western/Northern Europeans and their American relations will never understand (essentially saying that I will never understand), because they aren't stereotyped. Pure bull. I've had to deal with so much Nazi crap where I've lived, it's not funny. There are other stereotypes out there that people readily believe as far as my ethnic background is concerned that I am familiar with the struggle. Maybe I don't have anyone asking me if I belong to the Mafia, but I'd rather be asked that than if I'm ashamed of what my distant relatives did to the Jews (because all non-Jewish Germans were Nazis and Hitler, an Austrian, was just an innocent bystander).

Another annoying-as-fuck thing that she does, and many like her often do, is that she expects for people to immediately change their behavior and censor themselves when they are around her. For instance, I was discussing statutory rape with a guy and we were at the same table as her. I happened to get a little graphic (how can one discuss statutory rape without mentioning sex in a literal and not abstract sense?), and she was immediately offended that I would be using such inappropriate language in front of her. She's in her 30s (early 30s, but still), and she still can't handle discussing sex like a mature adult? It's not as if I was discussing my favorite position and why it was my favorite position. The conversation was perfectly sterile.

Sometimes, I wish that I could get away with being half as honest in real life as I am here in cyberspace. Constantly having to bite my tongue and censor every sentence that comes out of my mouth gets tiring after a while, but it's a sign of civility and maturity if one is able and willing to do so. By keeping this blog, I can maintain the facade of being civilized, unlike many of my peers here. If only they all knew what I really thought... The worst part about the Midwest is that I can't be myself even more so than in LA, the capital of the daily masquerade of perfection. But that's another post for another time. It's late here and, as always, I need to be up early in the morning.

Thank God for wifi and espresso...

The "coffee" available on campus is to real coffee what Bud Light is to lager (which is the light beer, ale is the dark beer [there's several differences between the two, but the most obvious two are color and taste]...anyone over 21 and under 30 ought to know the difference between the two and if you don't, you need to either get out more or start embracing the fact that you're a part of the Temperance movement [even if you were unaware of it until just now]). I've had green tea with more caffiene. However, when push comes to shove, you do what you must, which is why I am nursing a latte that was made well within the confines of this establishment.

A scarily true fact about law school is that any hope of getting a decent amount of sleep when you start out is an impossible dream. Napping, a frequent past time in undergrad, is what has replaced actual sleep in the evenings in my life, especially with a roommate who likes to "party hardy" (she's currently getting her masters in another program on campus and favorite pastimes consist of watching enormous amounts of tv late at night and early in the morning [especially music videos on CMT] and getting tanked at frat parties [because it's cheaper than getting tanked at a bar, her words, not mine], she has a manifest destiny attitude towards the room we share which I need to address, tout de suite), meaning that I only sleep in my bed when I am so exhausted to the point where nothing short of an atomic bomb would wake me up (so her wandering in at 3 am wasted doesn't have any effect on me). This means that I constantly find myself struggling to stay awake in class.

Wifi has enabled me to keep my brain active enough so that I'm able to not fall asleep in class. If it weren't for the mental and visual stimulation of things like the NY Times website or the Luxist blog (I've already mentally spent any future paychecks a hundred times over thanks to that blog), then I don't know how I'd be able to keep my brain alert in those early morning classes (one is at 8:30 am...delightful, non?). It's evolved into an art of multitasking for me. I can still follow along to what's being said by my professor while checking out Bebe's newest take on the Gothic Lolita. I have no problem being able to participate either. Ergo, I am flummoxed when professors are chagrined at the idea of people multitasking during class on their laptops. The temptation of the internet is only deadly when I'm attempting to do homework. I think that a scientific study should be done on it before professors become too cranky and adamant on the issue. The exception of one should not be used to create the rule for all. In other words, to quote "Bring It On," "Don't punish the squad for Big Red's mistake." If I wasn't surfing the internet during class, I'd probably be working on items for other classes, which is what I was doing in my Torts class yesterday (the only class that bans all laptops, ironic because the professor highly recommends that the exam be done on a laptop and he utilizes TWEN a great deal [the law school version of Blackboard]). Since I couldn't just whip out my laptop to check my email, I had a book in my lap for another class and read my assignment for that class while still taking notes for Torts and participating in the discussions that sprouted up among my classmates. Maybe I'm just weird, or maybe I really ought to just focus one one thing at a time and this multitasking will come to bite me in the ass. Time will tell. Speaking of time, I have to go and learn grammar rules soon (technically, I don't have to, but I will...better to be over-trained and over-educated than to not know what the hell you're doing).

The downside to being me...

When it comes to releasing negative emotions, especially when one's nerves are frayed, making it difficult to continue to bottle up those emotions, everyone has a basic way of release. Some people punch walls or throw objects, others let loose a stream of colorful phrases. I cry. I've been surviving on little sleep, dealing with a roommate who is self-absorbed (thanks for taking up half the free space between our beds with your new tv that I'm not allowed to touch without even asking if I was okay with that), and feeling like I don't belong. My RWA professor (reading, writing, and advocacy, not the three "r"s) insisted on critiquing each of our first papers in front of us individually. There's a reason why I've never auditioned for American Idol. Quite frankly, having to go in front of Simon Cowell and hear him try to use as many adjectives as possible to describe the terror that is my nonexistent singing voice does not sound like a fun time. Within the first few minutes of hearing my RWA professor critique my writing, I already wanted to punch him for sounding like such a pompous ass who enjoys ripping others limb from limb. I couldn't (because it's illegal and since it would be taking place within a law college, I'd probably be on Death Row in a matter of seconds), nor could I swear profusely at him and really give him a piece of my mind (did this once to another professor, and it felt absurdly satisfying). So, I did the only thing I could do and cried. Blamed it on exhaustion and missing my family since today is my brother's birthday, which he bought, hook, line, and sinker (what is it with even the nerdiest and most effeminate of straight guys getting a kick out of feeling like the stronger sex?). The fact that he was so gullible just made him seem like even more of an idiot in my eyes. I would be hard-pressed to not think poorly of him no matter what he does in the future. Not nice, I know, but it's the truth, and that is why I have this blog. So that I can be completely honest. It's frustrating always having to tiptoe around a lot of things and phrase things just so in order to avoid the chagrin of others. If I never had an outlet, I'd eventually snap. It's an unfortunate stipulation of functioning in polite society to never act abrasively. That's enough ranting for now, so, as that weird French guy on that one episode of The Hills said once, "Bye bye."