I am currently buzzed, not drunk, despite what my mother chooses to believe. Ever since my 28th birthday 2 weeks ago, life's been something of a shitshow.
My birthday was uneventful, except my friend gave me a vibrator for my birthday. I'm a strictly hands-only kind of woman when it comes to masturbation, so this is my first sex toy. However, it's still in the box.
I spent the beginning of last week in LA. Finally experienced bottle service for the first time in my life, courtesy of my friend's cousin's boyfriend (isn't that always how some of the craziest events happen, through 6 degrees of separation). It was kind of a post-Coachella party deal, and the first time I saw a club completely packed all because people were legit fans of the DJs spinning and facing towards the DJs/taking pics and video of said DJs.
On the way back, I was supposed to get laid for the first time in MONTHS, but I started my period that day...and the guy was too much of a pussy to have period sex. It's been almost 3 months since I've gotten laid.
And, of course, I am now "exclusive" with a guy who so severely regrets losing his V-card and is so emotionally fragile that he shouldn't have sex with anyone before he's engaged/married to them. So sex is off the table, out of the room, completely not in the same zipcode as me unless we get hitched or until we break up. The totally stupid-ass shit I endure just so long as there is the slightest possibility of getting married.
Being sex-free is making me into a royal bitch. I hate being me.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Thursday, March 20, 2014
#whateverfatass
Whenever I take sex and booze (for the most part) out of my life, I go one of two ways: I either become a total control freak and focus on becoming really fucking skinny through anorexia, or I binge eat like no tomorrow and basically become my version of those obese beached human whales that like to populate fast food joints (which means that I get dangerously close to hitting 110 pounds [my suicide weight, aka the weight at which I'm too fat to let myself live]). Lately, it's become the latter, an incredibly depressing reality.
Why no sex?
I've fallen into a dating rut. I'm non-exclusively dating a very sweet guy (Gentle Giant because he's 6'5", I wear heels all the time around him and still feel like a midget), but I've kind of lost my drive to date other guys because they aren't as sweet as the Gentle Giant. When a guy orders your favorite cereal online because he can't find it in any grocery stores near him and he gets a coworker to mail him a gift card from your favorite quick service restaurant in LA because you can only get them in person at the location, all just to make you smile, how can any woman not melt? However, I'm pretty sure that the Gentle Giant is a V because we've been on like 10 dates and usually the most physical contact I'll get from him is a hug at the end of the date. One time, I spontaneously hugged him, and he seemed to freak out. Thus, I'm worried that if I attempt to even hug him again, he might dump me for getting too physical (is he gay and suppressed???). The simple solution seems to be to just have casual sex on the side, but that's a whole 'nother problem.
I've become increasingly picky about who I will bang just casually. I completely blame that on the fact that over the past 2 years, I've been able to score some very nice tail. The hotter the partner that you've been able to get in the past, the hotter the partner you will pursue in the future. After all, who's going to be satisfied with fucking a lardass with serious backhair problems when they have gotten used to fucking male models? Only problem with that is there are virtually NO single guys around here that are that hot and dtf (and disease-free...sexual health is CRUCIAL!).
Why no alcohol?
I haven't completely given up alcohol, but I have cut back on it. Not that I was a lush before, but it's always good just to check your drinking every once in a while to get back to remembering what life is like on the weekends when you don't have a hangover. Also, my oldest brother's wedding is coming up at the beginning of May, and I have to look hotter than the bride (so no beer gut, no matter how tiny). I prefer to refer to the fiancee as the bitch in law, simply because being a bitch is such a natural thing for her that it integrates itself into the very fiber of her being so that even when she thinks she's being nice, there still a bitchy undertone to it.
I am working out every day to combat the binge eating, but I need to mentally switch on the pro-ana feelings and thoughts. Therefore, my goal for next week is to do what I used to do in high school, which is supplant breakfast and lunch with liters of water (1 liter for each meal).
Why no sex?
I've fallen into a dating rut. I'm non-exclusively dating a very sweet guy (Gentle Giant because he's 6'5", I wear heels all the time around him and still feel like a midget), but I've kind of lost my drive to date other guys because they aren't as sweet as the Gentle Giant. When a guy orders your favorite cereal online because he can't find it in any grocery stores near him and he gets a coworker to mail him a gift card from your favorite quick service restaurant in LA because you can only get them in person at the location, all just to make you smile, how can any woman not melt? However, I'm pretty sure that the Gentle Giant is a V because we've been on like 10 dates and usually the most physical contact I'll get from him is a hug at the end of the date. One time, I spontaneously hugged him, and he seemed to freak out. Thus, I'm worried that if I attempt to even hug him again, he might dump me for getting too physical (is he gay and suppressed???). The simple solution seems to be to just have casual sex on the side, but that's a whole 'nother problem.
I've become increasingly picky about who I will bang just casually. I completely blame that on the fact that over the past 2 years, I've been able to score some very nice tail. The hotter the partner that you've been able to get in the past, the hotter the partner you will pursue in the future. After all, who's going to be satisfied with fucking a lardass with serious backhair problems when they have gotten used to fucking male models? Only problem with that is there are virtually NO single guys around here that are that hot and dtf (and disease-free...sexual health is CRUCIAL!).
Why no alcohol?
I haven't completely given up alcohol, but I have cut back on it. Not that I was a lush before, but it's always good just to check your drinking every once in a while to get back to remembering what life is like on the weekends when you don't have a hangover. Also, my oldest brother's wedding is coming up at the beginning of May, and I have to look hotter than the bride (so no beer gut, no matter how tiny). I prefer to refer to the fiancee as the bitch in law, simply because being a bitch is such a natural thing for her that it integrates itself into the very fiber of her being so that even when she thinks she's being nice, there still a bitchy undertone to it.
I am working out every day to combat the binge eating, but I need to mentally switch on the pro-ana feelings and thoughts. Therefore, my goal for next week is to do what I used to do in high school, which is supplant breakfast and lunch with liters of water (1 liter for each meal).
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