LA, Love You/Hate You

I went down to LA this past weekend just to relax.  On the way down, I spent the night in Fresno in a shitty Motel 6 room with a fairly new fuck buddy (because of the distance, it was only the second time I hooked up with him).  I let Fresno Boy pick the hotel room since he was paying for it, and we had joked about getting a crappy hotel room just so we can trash the hell out of the place.  We kind of did trash it in the end...I clogged the toilet and he pissed in the shower without bothering to rinse it out afterward (nothing says "you're my bro and there are no romantic feelings" quite like tolerating the scent of urine emanating from the bathroom at 6:30 am when you're standing at the sink brushing your teeth).  For the record, I will never stay at another Motel 6 unless it's life or death, I'm not a princess but I prefer it when the bedding is adequate enough to keep me from staying awake all night due to freezing my ass off.  Anyways, we ate fast food, drank beer, and fucked three times.  The sex was as good as the first time, except it didn't seem to last as long...which could be an issue in the future.  Fresno Boy is damn hot with a seriously ripped body, so his lack of stamina this time won't be enough to kick him off the casual sex list.

So I left Fresno Boy behind and drove straight to Craigslist Guy's place (4 hours in a car with no shower...not fun).  If Craigslist Guy had noticed that I still faintly smelled of Fresno Boy's cologne, he didn't say anything.  Sex with Craigslist Guy reminded me why I hadn't gotten rid of him in the past 2 years, so many positions and orgasms on my part.  As always, Craigslist Guy made promises to fuck me later in the weekend as I was leaving.

I booked a hotel room at the Thompson Beverly Hills (no more shitty motel rooms for me) and headed over there for a much-needed shower (sex with 2 different guys in less than 24 hours demands a long hot shower).  On the way over to the hotel, I accidentally rear-ended a Fresh Off The Boat elderly Asian man who is now suing me for severe neck and brain injury (yeah right buddy, I barely damaged the back up sensor that was sticking 2 inches out of the back of your minivan).  The guy even tried to steal my license and insurance card because apparently they were his to take now that I had rear-ended him.  Hell.  Fucking.  No.  Biatch.  I snapped into my bulldog lawyer mode and was like "I can tell you right now that you did not suffer any injury to your physical person and that if you bring this into court you will not recover a single penny because your irrational behavior will demonstrate to the jury that you are not capable of having perceived the situation in a manner that is believable, so your testimony will be deemed worthless."  But, of course, he sees a white chick driving an SUV and immediately thinks that he can swindle all sorts of money from me.  God, I hate being stereotyped.

Got tan from spending a ton of time by the rooftop pool.  Went to The Edison alone, which was fun, but just reminded me that being attractive is a real cockblocker sometimes.  I'm old-fashioned in that I believe that a guy should make the first move.  And while there were a few brave souls, I just wasn't interested and they were too easily deflected (one guy actually used a classic pick-up routine that I had recognized from hanging out in pick-up artist circles online for years, and I gave him an honest legitimate answer that was totally not one of the routine answers that they tell the user to anticipate...as one of my guy friends likes to say "mind = blown").

Most of my plans to get laid did not pan out because even though Fresno Boy said he would come down for the weekend, he bailed and texted me late Saturday night that he was having car issues on Friday (hello, you could have told me on Friday, or even Saturday during the day).  I then had definite plans to hook up with Craigslist Guy on Saturday at 9 pm, which he blew off without telling me, and texting him at 10 got a response that he was busy at his sister's but would be leaving soon...which turned out to be bull-fucking-shit.

Finally, at midnight on Saturday, the Back-up Plan finally declared himself to be dtf, but that I'd have to drive to his place.  I was already out with a mutual friend, so I told him I'd be there shortly after I had spent a little more time with the friend.  Well, he kept texting about how tired he was and asking how much longer he would have to wait.  Super annoying because I was going out of my way to make it convenient for him and he was only ever the back-up plan.  Anyways, I finally was heading to my car and bluntly asked him if he still wanted me to come over (which of course he did, not picking up on my pissed off attitude).  So I went over, and he was all, "You have to be super quiet" (which just annoyed me more).

We get to his bedroom and start fucking while he has Pandora going on his computer.  Then, that annoying-as-fuck song about shopping in a thrift store came on, which nearly killed my sexytime mood.  I get playing music to set the mood, but everything should be tailored to sound sexy and annoying hipster rap isn't sexy.  I got a feeling that he didn't even remember my name, which is insulting, and then he made a comment about me being on the Pill, which is even more insulting because I'm not and he and I have discussed this before.  If you're going to fuck multiple people, at least keep the basic facts straight, or you can't handle sex with more than one partner.  He also seemed genuinely amazed at the fact that I do shave down there and am tight (he actually asked me how I made my vagina so tight).

After the actual intercourse was over, he then proceeded to go down on me.  Normally, I love being eaten out, but at that point it felt like overkill, since it was late, he had already bitched about being tired, and I had already gotten off enough during the actual intercourse.  I finally get him to stop and tell him that I'll be leaving in a few minutes.  This prompts him to launch into a monologue about how he has a no sleeping over policy because girls just can't take a hint to leave in the morning.  What. The. Hell.  First, I had just said that I wasn't spending the night.  Second, I have never stayed past me welcome with him before, so I have proven myself to not fall into that category.  Third, the ONLY time I spent the night was when he asked me to because he was a hardcore cuddler and actually wanted to sleep with me.  LA makes every non-SoCal native a jaded asshole after a while, I swear.

Sunday morning found me by the hotel pool once again.  I honestly could not shake being annoyed at being stood up by Craigslist Guy, which made me realize that I wanted a little more reliability and accountability than he was giving me.  Reliability and accountability are things that only a girlfriend gets when there's sex involved, so I knew I had to end things.  I tried to, but Craigslist Guy misunderstood and apologized for not warning me that he was blowing me off.  I attempted to re-explain things and haven't heard from him since.  2 years and not even goodbye, despite me apologizing profusely for fucking up by wanting more.  I was doing him the damn favor by not forcing him to suffer through an awkward period of me acting too "relationship-y" (he told me that he's kicked another woman to the curb for acting that way) before kicking me to the curb.  He could have thanked me, but no.  It really does hurt like hell, but whatever.  It couldn't have lasted forever...